This past week has been a confusing mess of different ideas of how I should proceed now in where to live and work, always with the persistent feeling that the choices I make now will effect the next few years of my life. Though this may be true, that is quite a lot of pressure to put on what ends up being a single decision!
Often I think of my life and the years before me as a sort of blank canvas, and as the artist, I can choose exactly what goes on it- which means that I have the power to make myself into exactly the kind of person I want to be. And although in many ways this sort of thought process is very empowering, it also creates quite a bit of responsibility on my part, as it leaves the choice entirely up to me to determine who I will be, and what will come next in my life!
Though I still haven’t totally decided on where I want to spend the next few months/ year, I have realized, wherever I may be, what I want to do with them.
1. Write! Writing short stories, articles, and vignettes about my adventures. I have always loved writing- and sharing my experiences with others provides more encouragement to go out and explore more, which can only be a good thing…and leads to my next goal…
2. Explore! Constantly. Incessantly. In search of everything and nothing- and document it all…
3. Blog more! While constantly trying to find different outlets for creative expression, I often forget that I have one right here! Blogging more, actually sharing my writing, connecting more with the blogging community and meeting others with similar interests can only be a good thing.
But still the decision remains…
Though New York is definitely on my radar for the near future, I think I want to give it a year or so before heading out there. I’m not sure why…but lately I have been trying to go with my “gut feeling” which generally tends to lead me in the direction that fits best, and that seems to be the one I have about New York.
Sometimes in the midst of major decisions and confusing times, I tend to neglect my blog, finding myself waiting to post next when I am feeling more “stable” or “level-headed”, but during these times I fail to recognize how helpful blogging and reaching out to the online community can be concerning these choices. And really, it is not too often that I am truly feeling “stable,” which means that in sticking with that particular mindset, I would be blogging even less than I am now!
And cutting down my blog to only happy-go-lucky less-than-personal posts only ends up detaching me from the support of others, providing a less-than-authentic version of what is really going on in my head and life at the current moment.
I think a lot of bloggers go through at least one moment of self doubt where they wonder self-consciously, “who really cares about what I have to say about my own life?” (as I have mentioned before, I have had several!) but over the past ten years of my life, (basically since teen-hood) I have come to realize that caring about whether others care or basically paying too much attention to what other people think never takes me to a productive, happy place. But still, even realizing this several times over, it is something that I need to constantly remind myself!
I have always found that in reading the blogs of others, I appreciate when people really express who they truly are, insecurities, anxieties, glittery-sparkly cute photos of happiness, glum complainyness and all- (even if I completely disagree with what they are saying!) and I want to make my own blog the type of blog that I would want to read as someone else!
So, in turning over a new leaf, welcome to the chaos that is my unfiltered thoughts and decisions! Consider this your warning, haha. And, as always, feel free to give me your honest opinion!